What’s my age again?

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Note at the top:
MY SECOND POST OF TODAY – 30 NOV 2005.

Emotional Crap. CRAP! CRAP! Argggg. This post is damn emo becos i am damn emo, K!? Let me get over this bloody emo period. Let me rant, rant, degrade myself for just this bloody day! Let me get over myself! Wat A BLOODY MORONIC PERIOD OF MY LIFE!!!! ARGGGGG. I am so disappointed in myself. IT’s ME. ME. ME.

The moment I get over this, I will post funny things again. Just bear with me.

And dun read it if u dun feel like. Either read it all, or dun read at all. Dun add insult to injury pls. =)
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There’s an old expression – “You can’t turn chicken shit into chicken salad.”

Blink 182 says:
And you still act like you’re in Freshman year
What the hell is wrong with me?
My friends say I should act my age
What’s my age again?
What’s my age again?

YA. I am Bloody 19 years old. Shit, time passes like an arrow. Two months have elapsed since I return from Shanghai. 6 months since I was separated from my old class BI0311. 3 years since I join NYP.

And WAT THE HELL is WRONG WITH ME!?

I realised I miss Shanghai.

Beautiful Shanghai

Not becos of memories. But becos of the cover it gave me. When I was in Shanghai, my life was a BLISS. My self confidence is high, top notch because nobody knows me. No one will be there to judge me, nor will i Judge myself. I was peacefully living in bliss, away from society, away from the cruel truth that I am CRAP.Wat’s my age again?

See, In Shanghai, I dun even give a fuck how i look. =)

But all things changed when I started my semester. People look. I grew back into that cycle of “image, looks, impt”. I lost that “cover” Shanghai gave me. Then, came the damn sucky job and seoul garden that screwed my eyes up… Now I have to be MARRIED TO MY DAMN GLASSES. Wat’s my age again?

YA. That pair of CRAP.

And I got separated from my old classmates! They were once the same people who spitted into my BBQ food and fed me with it. But, at my final semester with them, we patched up and I LOVED THEM! But now I am stuck with new classmates! Not that they are bad, but, I miss my old class. I miss them to the core. Wat’s my age again?

MY OLD CLASSMATES. I miss u guys to the core k!?

And all that crap, all that has been escalating on me since my return to Singapore, sums up to the worse of the lot: TODAY.

I wanted to sing. I always wanted a chance to go on stage. I missed the chance at Bandzout 2005. I missed the chance at Voiceout 2005. And today I went for Orion Singing Competition Audition. And was ridiculed to the brim when the judges ask me out b4 i finished my song! There goes my last chance. Wat’s my age again?

WHAHAHAHAHA. DREAM ON, KIT!

And thats not all. TOday marks a facing up to a truth, that I truly is a dumbass in ATTRACTION. ATTRACTION OF THE OPPOSITE SEX.

I suddenly understand how Suchi feels. SO LONELY.

Art said this: “When a person is lonely for too long, u become… desperate.”

YES, I am desperate. When a gal comes along, and ATTRACTED me, I just cant get it off my head. Ya ya, I came up with all the love cases diagrams the other time… and thats how i feel.

DUMB. AND DESPERATE! DESPERATE! DESPERATE! Not the physical DESPERATE, the EMOTIONAL DESPERATION. The need for a gal friend. A partner. Something to tell me that I am not UNATTRACTIVE. Something to say that I have someone I can call my own. AND what’s my age again?

Sometimes, all u need is a hug from someone u adore.

Count the number of people that I “loved” and they didnt return the favour:

1) The gal who wanted my number.
2) The gal who plays the guitar and sings.
3) The gal who asked me bout her J2SE project.
4) The gal who bites.

And many other less obvious “crushes”.

Have anyone have any idea how lonely I am? And judging from the growing number of gals gone, I think i can start painting my house wall…

AND what’s my age again?

Today I took MRT to Novena alone, and back again. ALONE.
Feeling down I took out my handphone, and wanted to call.
Then I realised. CALL WHO?

ART? Halif? Jolyn? Nas? WHO?

They are all busy. They have a life, dammit kit fan, they are not like u who’s empty and all air. 3 years in NYP. And when I most needed a friend, I have no one to turn to. Nas said I changed… I loved talking to her b4 my Shanghai trip… but i changed. I miss my old self.

I shamelessly say here that I achieved my aim here in NYP – FIRST IN BUSINESS INFORMATICS. GPA 3.897. Does that makes me SUCCESSFUL, when all i need is a hug from a loved one?

Out of touch, maybe out of time. And wat’s my age again?

Fucking 19 years old in 17 days time.
“And you still act like you’re in Freshman year” – Blink 182.

Rock on.

~ by eclecticderby on November 30, 2005.